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Tuesday, December 20, 2011

our safe house

We're moving to Sydney in about five weeks.  Which means I can't poop right and my left eye is twitching.  Because, so far, all we have in Sydney is one brand new shiny job.  For my husband.  That's it.  No house.  No schools.  No neighborhood.  No car.  No brand new shiny jobs for me.  And Jesus' birthday is in five days.  Not a good time to have kids running around without teacher supervision or shoes and my Christmas cards not done.

This week we plan to pick a neighborhood in which to live in Sydney from our living room in which we live in Auckland.   I can’t order a pair of pants off of J. and get it right but for some reason my ass thinks choosing a house overseas is going to be easier.

But we do have some frontrunners so that’s something.  We found areas in Sydney that we know little to nothing about but seem cool when you say them out loud.  Paddington.  Balmain.  Rozelle.  You've got to roll your "r" to make that last one work.  These little pockets of people are located near where my husband will work.  In the city.  Close proximity to his office so I don't have to be a mad single mom is one of the demands of our new home.  Also on the list:  a great public school system and a bathtub.  You really don't know how much you miss a bathtub until you live in a house with three bathrooms and zero bathtubs in a country where shoes are not a priority.  Showers don't clean dirty feet.  Bathtubs do.    

The good news is people have been very helpful here.  They say nothing but nice things about the areas we're thinking about.  Lots of families.  Lovely.  Really good schools.  That's what I'm talking about.  In the city.   Sounds like a bathtub must be involved.  But not as safe as New Zealand.  Come again?  

One frantic Google search later, I discover the bad news.  The NSW Bureau of Crime Statistics and Research website.  It lists all the hotspots for crime in Sydney and classifies them by color.  Yellow for low density hotspots.  Orange for medium density hotspots.  Red for high density hotspots.   Which I read as yellow – oh, orange – my, red – GOD!  I plop in our areas as fast as one can plop in areas and for a second I think a blood vessel has burst in my retina.  Red is everywhere.  Paddington.  Balmain.  Rrrrr-ozelle.  I already feel violated and I haven’t even packed a box.

Which is good.  No boxes packed means no boxes to unpack because I suddenly decide I'm not moving.  I make high stakes decisions just like that.  But before I allow this thought to become words and these words to become a beautiful little breakdown, I see BOCSAR is kind enough to break their color-coded system down further by offense.  There are a lot of offenses.  Some really bad ones.  Breaking and entering and assault.   Bring in the paddy wagon.  And some not so bad.  Malicious damage to property and stealing from a motor vehicle.  Crimes that my four-year old perpetrates on me on a daily basis.  And I realize I’m not afraid.  Just like Eminem.  I need a box.

Side note:  I like Eminem.  

hello, car thieves!

The problem with living in the safest country in the world is you're living in the safest country in the world.  New Zealand.  It’s like a G movie over here where the cops have no guns and the kids don’t lock their bikes and streets are clean without ever having street cleaning day.  But, sadly, this is not reality.  Reality is the rest of the world.  And the rest of the world is rated R and they have guns and locks and really dirty streets.  There are 4.5 million people in all of New Zealand.  Take that same number of humans and pack them into one city -- Sydney -- and you are going to get a couple of dumdums doing dumb things.

So, to the future dumdum who is going to break into my car and steal my CD player, you are a dumdum.  And stealing is a dumb thing.  And you should really think twice about it.  And if you don't, please pop out my CD as there is a good chance it's Eminem and it's mine.  

1 comment:

  1. Love this. I feel like I too am making a move and am faced with the dilemmas and stress and sudden decisions NOT to move.